Kindness...

This is something that has been on my mind A LOT as of late. I don't know if it's because of all the hate that has been openly posted all over facebook or the fact that my big kids will be going to school in a little over a year but none the less... It's been on my mind.

I distinctly remember learning about the golden rule in elementary school. It was on the "word of the week" board in the lunchroom. When I first saw it I thought... "That is such a great idea" (at the time I think I was being picked on and wanted nothing more that to just "fit in")! Now that I'm a grown women with a family of my own I love this concept even more. When it comes to my family I'm a "beast" (don't mess with mine and I won't mess with yours). I had been taking the defensive approach. I didn't trust anyone... I thought everyone was out to get us... everyone was mean. I know it was a bit over the top but living in a big, crazy city I felt like I had no choice. There are crazies everywhere you go and it's so busy. BUT... I've realized something. By living life that way I wasn't happy (shocker). I wasn't nice... to anyone... not even myself. I felt this strong hate growing inside of me and it was scary. Then it hit me. I was going about this all wrong. Why was I fighting "mean and ugly with mean and ugly"? Wouldn't life be so much easier if I was kind? Wouldn't it be more likely that people would show kindness if they were shown kindness? So needless to say, I've changed my approach. I smile more. I say things like "hi" and "thank you". I try to encourage my children to involve others in their play... And guess what?? I'm happier. I'm nicer. My children like me more. I like "me" more.

After my change of heart, I realized I wanted to start teaching my children about being kind. I've been trying my best to prepare the big kids for school in every way I could think of. Letters, numbers, shapes, colors... kindness wasn't on the list (but I think it should be). I want my children to know everyone deserves love and respect. EVERYONE. That includes themselves. I want our home to be full of love, kindness, respect, and understanding. I want our home to be a "safe place" where my children feel free to be who they are and express to us their concerns. I want them to know that even if they feel differently (about anything) than I do, then they will still be shown love and kindness.

I feel being kind is one of the most important things in life! When I think of Christ and his teachings I of course think of love but even more than love I think... kindness (you can love someone and not be kind). Christ was perfect... spotless. He had every right to be judgmental but he wasn't. He was kind. He was forgiving. He was compassionate. He did condemn sin but He still loved the sinner. A perfect example. I want my children to have "love for one another" and to live the golden rule. Not just towards others but towards themselves as well. I know that if I want them to be this way I must teach by example. So I'm going to keep smiling, keep thinking outside of myself, and keep striving to be kind. I will think kind things about myself. I will praise and not tear down. I will be a follower of Christ.

defeat...

It's a word I've been thinking about a lot. It sounds like a dirty word, one you only say when no one is around... in hushed tones. Well... living in NYC has changed me... in more ways then one. I have shied away from blogging because I didn't know what to write about. How NYC has brought me some of my hardest moments? How I've cried more in the past year than I think I have in my whole life? How I have never felt so alone? How I put back on some of the weight I worked so hard to get off? defeat. defeat. defeat. I've felt like I needed to keep up appearances. I had to show the world that I can do it all. I can raise four small children in a big city, alone (most of the time). That I can kick pinterest butt and keep a perfect house running in tip-top shape. Well, hear I am admitting defeat.... admitting that I can't do it all and I'm not embarrassed. I truly am changed. With all of the hardships that have come from living in New York I can honestly say this has also been the best time of my life. Living here has changed our family life. We really rely on one another. We crave time as a family. We're all each others best friends (the kids love to say that we are all besties). I love how strong our family bond has become... the "I love you's" are in abundance at our house. With all the distractions of our life before NY (play dates and busy work around town) I missed so much. It really is the little things that make life worth living. I have learned so much about my husband, children, and even myself. I see that "things" have NOTHING to do with happiness. Since living in the city we have tried to downsize as much as we can (750 sq. ft gets cramped really quickly with six people). I'm learning from the true"New Yorkers" that really all you need your apartment for is sleep and eating. I've learned that being myself and feeling the way I feel is OK. So here I am admitting defeat and it's OK! It's OK that my sink has dirty dishes in it for half the day, it's OK that I don't always take the kids out and that we wear our pj's all day. It's OK that I get sick of the city. It's OK that I take days for myself. Living in NYC has given me the opportunities to see... I mean REALLY see... my blessings. All the tender mercies are so obvious now. I see the Lord's hand in everything. I can't explain or reiterate enough how much living here has changed me for the better. I feel like I have grown in every aspect of my life. I truly have been able to grow into myself and to be totally comfortable with who I am. I love my life! It's crazy hard, super busy, really boring, extremely exciting, and completely PERFECT. I have fallen more in love with my husband. I adore my children and their HUGE personalities more with each passing day. I love every imperfect thing about myself (that last line is mostly true). I'm almost 27 years old and I feel like I have the life I dreamed of as a little girl. It's not exactly how I planned it but I must say I'm glad the Lord had better things in store!